I have a dream
by Steph-Schell
Summary: Tragedy strikes again (Major tissue warning) Part 12 in the BassxNora series.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This one has more than one chapter so keep an eye out for updates.

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Miles caught the messenger as he came down the hallway. "News?" he demanded.

The young boy shook his head. "I'm sorry sir."

Miles swallowed hard. "It's alright. Dismissed soldier."

"Sir, Mrs. Matheson…"

"I said dismissed," Miles barked. He turned away without another word.

Miles didn't have time to think about Rachel now. She had come when they asked and Miles had made sure she was transported to Philly completely ignorant of her purpose. He and Bass had agreed to make it look like Rachel was a prisoner rather than a guest. That would put her in far less danger. They holed her up in a guest room then basically forgot about her. The family had to first grieve for the loss of their baby. And now…

Now Miles couldn't' care less about Rachel's comfort or her questions. They were secondary to what was going on in the nursery. Not that he wanted to be there anyway.

Most days this part of the mansion was ringing with life. You could hear Lilly's laughter all around. But today there was a grim air surrounding the whole of the house. What normally never touched this wing seemed to hover over it in a cloud.

Two guards stood posted at the door and they gave Miles the same hopeful look he had given the messenger. He wished he had better news. Just like Miles, their faces fell when they found there was no news. One of them opened the door and allowed him in.

It was usually such a bright and cheery sight that Miles couldn't help smiling. Now he wished he could run back to his own home. This was never a sight he wanted to see.

Lilly was lying on her bed, pale and drawn. The bed had been stripped of all sheets and every window opened. It made no difference. Her body glistened in a sheen of sweat caused by the fever currently raging through her system. A doctor stood nearby to help force liquids through her cracked lips when he could.

Bass knelt by the bed, one of Lilly's pale hands clutched in his own. His lips were moving in a steady stream of fairy tales mixed with prayers to any deity that would listen to save his little girl. Miles felt for the man but it was Nora that really pulled at his heart.

Nora was literally curled on a nearby chair. Her knees were pressed up to her chest with her arms resting on top. Miles could barely make her out because she had buried her head in her arms which allowed her long hair to curtain around her. As if by hiding from this event, she could truly make it go away. Miles completely understood that logic. No parent should watch their child die.

The doctor approached him. "What's the news?"

"The messengers have all returned," Miles murmured. "All say the same thing. They found nothing."

"Then we'll send out more," Bass growled.

Miles knew it was a lost cause. They had already lost so many children to the virus. The medicine that could have saved them, that could save Lilly had disappeared with the power. But how could Miles tell his best friend that his daughter was doomed to die? How could he crush Nora and Bass like that? The doctor solved his problem. "Sir, there have been troops sent throughout the entire nation. Your daughter…there's nothing we can do. I'm so sorry."

"Don't say that." It was just a hiss but everyone turned to Nora just the same. She had been silent for days. Now she lifted her head just enough to make her look like a dangerous animal. "Don't you dare say my little girl is dying."

"Maybe she isn't," the doctor said. "But my work here is over."

Nora scowled fiercely. "Your work here is over when my husband tells you it's over," she spat.

Miles struggled to be the voice of reason. "Nora, let him go. He's speaking from exhaustion like all of us. I'll have one of the guards bring in a replacement."

Silence reigned for a moment before Lilly squeaked out a breath. "Mommy?"

Nora was by her husband's side so fast Miles almost didn't see her move. "I'm right here, baby," she whispered, stroking Lilly's hair. "I'm right by your side. Always."

Lilly turned to her parents, dull eyes cracking open just so. "Mommy, is heaven real?"

Nora frowned. "Of course it is sweetie. Why would you ask that?"

"Jason and Steve said it wasn't. But I knew it had to be real." She smiled at them. "I knew I was right."

Bass drew a shaky breath. "How did you know, Lilly of the Valley?"

"I can see an angel," Lilly replied.

Miles waited but no one spoke. "What does it look like, Lilly Flower?" he asked, bracing himself for the answer.

Lilly just lay there breathing for a long moment. "It's a he." She took another shaky breath. "He's got honey hair like daddy but its' straight and down to his chin." She smiled at Nora. "He's got brown eyes, like you mommy."

"What else?" Bass prompted.

"He's…he's short. Shorter than you. He's got a thin nose and a sort of round chin. Long…sideburns." Lilly paused to gather her breath. "He's dressed all funny. Like Uncle Miles when he watches me. Jeans and t-shirt and a jacket." Her eyes widened as though something surprising had happened. "Now he's in uniform. A militia uniform like the people in training wear. He's got something in his mouth." She let out a weak giggle. "He says it's a lollipop."

"Lilly, where is this man?" Nora whispered.

"By…by…he's by Uncle Miles. I like his smile, mommy. He's got a nice smile. Like he's got a good joke."

Nora kissed her temple. "Please," she choked out.

Lilly turned to her. "I love you, mommy."

"I love you too, baby."

Lilly's eyes fell to her father. "Can we sing my lullaby?"

"Anything you want Lilly of the Valley." Bass gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "I have a dream/A song to sing/To help me cope/With anything/If you see the wonder/of a fairytale/you can take the future/Even if you fail /I believe in angels/Something good in everything I see/I believe in angels/When I know the time is right for me/I'll cross the stream/"

"I…have…a…dream," Lilly breathed.

Miles didn't even realize she had stopped breathing until he watched Nora's shoulders begin to shake. The doctor moved from his side and reached around to feel Lilly's throat. "I'm sorry," he sighed. "She's gone."

The crack echoed through the room. No one realized Nora had moved until she slapped the doctor. "You liar," she hissed. "You useless _son of __**a bitch!"**_Miles had to cover his ears against the screeching. "She isn't dead! Don't you dare say my child is dead!"

Nora seized one of Lilly's wooden dolls as the doctor backed away. He barely ducked her vicious aim in time. "Nora," Miles warned.

"You bring her back!" Nora screamed. "You find a way to bring her **BACK!"**

Bass grabbed her from behind as she reached for another object to throw. "Nora, stop this," he ordered. His voice was wet but it still held all the power of the President of the Republic. Miles could tell that his grip on her arms was strong enough to hold her but not to leave bruises. "He…he can't bring Lilly back," Bass insisted, his shoulders beginning to shake. "She's…she's…"

Nora let out a wail to rival a banshee as she fought against his grip. "Oh god, Bass, my little girl! I want her *back*!"

Bass pressed his head to her neck. "I know, Nora. Baby, believe me I know."

Nora threw her head back to let out another howl of rage and pain. Together, Bass and Nora sank to their knees by Lilly's bedside. Bass pulled Nora close, never letting go of her wrists, to sob into her neck. Nora's screams continued unabated.

The doctor looked from them to Miles before heading outside. Miles looked past his grieving friends to the child who looked like she could be sleeping. "Good bye, Lilly Flower," he murmured before leaving the room.

The two guards looked to him. "General?" one asked.

Miles swallowed hard. "Lilly Monroe is dead," he stated. "One of you needs to send for someone to prepare the body for burial. The other guard the door." Miles took a moment to gather himself. "Allow no one inside until President Monroe orders you otherwise. Give…give the president and his wife some time with their daughter."

"What about when the funeral people get here, sir?"

"If Ba—President Monroe and his wife have left, allow them inside. Otherwise get permission." Miles turned and then thought of something. "Don't let the funeral service people ask the president or Mrs. Monroe any questions. I'll be taking care of all the arrangements."

"And where will you be sir?"

"In my own house. The door will be unlocked. They can just come over."

"Yes, sir!" They both snapped off a salute and one of them hurried to find help.

Miles decided he needed to head back to his home right away. He had a bottle of Eagle Rare 17 Year Old whiskey hiding in the back of his one cupboard. It was supposed to be used to celebrate the birth of Bass' son. Miles didn't think his friend would mind if he used to it to mourn the five year old that had become like a daughter to him.


	2. Chapter 2

The rain came down in sheets as the procession wound its way through the city. It was almost as if nature itself was mourning the loss of the little girl they were laying to rest today. Miles could appreciate the sentiment, even if he wished he was somewhere dry right now.

Nora and Bass didn't have to worry about the weather just yet. They were huddled in a black sports car being pulled by two black mares. They were right at the front of the procession, just behind the hearse bearing their daughter's casket. It was also pulled by a pair of black mares.

Miles led the honor guard that flanked the hearse on the left. John Faber led the honor guard on the right. Both men were soaked to the skin from the unending rain but neither one showed their discomfort. This was about far more than them.

They approached the grave site. The honor guard flanked the entrance as the hearse and the Monroe's carriage went through. Next there was a contingent of the militia on horseback. Tom had been given the honor of leading the soldiers that rode. Miles briefly wondered if the man would rather be with his family. Tom's son had almost been carried off by the virus as well. The Monroes had been treating the Nevilles with a definite coolness of late. Probably because they wished their daughter had lived in place of Tom's son. Could anyone really blame them?

After the small contingent, came the mourners. Miles and John had to wait as endless carriages, horses and people on foot. He didn't mind at all. The entire city had turned out for the funeral, except those families who still had children fighting the fever. But even those families had managed to stop in while Lilly was lying in state yesterday and the day before. Miles got his first look at the crowds that couldn't' fit into the church during the religious services. Bass had never been particularly religious but Nora had heavy faith in god. Bass would never object to something that gave his wife a little comfort as she grieved.

When the mass of people had finally filled the yard, Miles and the rest of the honor guard dismounted. They tied their horses to the gates and marched inside. The honor guard doubled as pallbearers and took the small black casket covered in a Monroe Republic flag to the open grave. A stark black head stone stood at the head of the grave. Almost painfully white letters spelled out "Lilly Monroe, beloved daughter and friend". Underneath were her dates of birth and death, which told the world she had only had five short years on this earth. The back held a sketch of Lilly smiling at the world. They set the casket on top of the strange system that would lower it into the grave after all the pomp and ceremony was over with.

The other Militia members went to stand with their families who were given prime seats as part of the honor of carrying Lilly's casket. Miles had only one place he would stand on a day like this. He took up his usual position at Bass' left hand, Nora being always attached to his right. Though he was finally out of the rain since Bass and Nora were under an awning, Miles didn't take much comfort in the fact. Once he was in position, Miles glanced around to make sure everyone else was settled. Then he nodded to the priest.

The man began to give the eulogy in a booming voice. Miles was thankful the man could speak so loud. Everyone in the site could hear him talk about god and redemption and how Lilly was in a better place. Miles was like Bass. He didn't have much use for god before the black out and certainly not after. But he desperately hoped the little five year old was happy somewhere.

After the nearly endless droning, the mourners filed past to place flowers on top of Lilly's casket. Most of them murmured a few words to Bass and Nora as they passed by. It was when the Nevilles past with their son, still at the very beginning of the mourners, that Bass began to break. He had been holding in all his pain while he let Nora grieve in intense and random outbursts. Miles knew that seeing the small boy who had lived while Lilly had died had to hurt Bass.

Miles could see Bass' knees start to go and he gripped his friend's wrist. "Stand up," he hissed.

"My little girl," Bass whispered.

"Would want you to be strong," Miles snapped. It hurt him to say those words but Bass couldn't appear weak. Not right now. Not with so much still on the line. "Now stand up straight, Marine. That's an order."

Bass attempted to lock his knees but it got harder as the more people crossed in front of him. Obviously not everyone that was packed in would be able to approach the grave and the Monroes. But there were still plenty of people who did get that privilege. And with each person, Bass cracked a little more. Miles caught Jeremy's eye and subtly jerked his head. The captain was next to come up anyway. Instead of returning to his spot like everyone else, Jeremy tilted his head at Bass. Bass nodded and Jeremy took up a new position right behind the president.

The two men kept whispering at Bass not to break, not to fall to his knees in the mud like he wanted to. It was hard. Bass clearly wanted to break down like Nora so often did. Today though she was holding on much better than her husband. At least Miles thought she was. It was hard to see under the black veil she wore. Finally the procession of mourners ended and it was Nora's turn to approach her daughter's casket. In her arms, Nora carried a large bouquet of the lilies her daughter had been named for. Bass closed his eyes against the sight of his wife saying goodbye to his daughter.

"So help me, Bass if you buckle," Miles warned.

"Don't let your daughter see you break," Jeremy added.

"We'll be back in the mansion soon," Miles hissed. "You can hurt there."

Neither Jeremy nor Miles mentioned that Nora would probably break there too. But at least the couple could grieve together in that moment. Right now, Bass was the goddamn president of the Republic and nothing else.

As Nora rejoined them; Bass took her hand and raised it to his lips. Nora gave him a wet smile from underneath her veil. She curled close to his side and looked at the ground. Miles assumed she was too worn out by the funeral to even try to process it all.

Miles nodded to the guard next to the priest. The man pulled out a lighter and torch. The lit flame was the signal for the bugler to play Taps. As the mournful sounds of the bugle echoed through the rain, Militia stepped up to the grave and began to lower the casket down. Miles tightened his grip on Bass' wrist. But he was surprised when he caught Nora doing the same thing. "They already think you're weak," she hissed. "Today we show them we're strong."

Bass squared his shoulders and looked beyond the grave. He would stand as straight as he could while they took his daughter away from him. No matter what the cost.

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**A/N: **Funeral practices mentioned are a mix of Presidential and Military funeral traditions in the United Statesn


	3. Chapter 3

Miles gently pushed the door open, hoping not to wake any members of the household. Bass and Nora got so little sleep as it was he didn't want to take those few precious hours away. He should have been sleeping himself but he forgot some papers in Bass' office. It would be easy enough to slip into the study, grab his work and slip out again. No one would even know that he had been around.

Except for some strange reason, Bass was still in his office. He stood at the window, staring sightlessly out at the city. "Hello, Miles," he greeted almost tonelessly.

"Bass?" Miles frowned. "What are you still doing up?" His eyes began to sweep the dark room for signs of alcohol.

"I can't sleep," Bass shrugged. "Not since Lilly."

Miles winced in sympathy. His own nights were drenched in whatever whiskey came to hand, though he was getting slightly better at being sober. "What about Nora?"

"She doesn't sleep either. Not without heavy sedatives." Bass gave an awkward shrug. "The doctor prescribed them that first night and she's used them ever since."

"That bad?"

"She tried to go without them the night of Lilly's funeral. The nightmares…"

Miles was sure the screams could be heard throughout the house. Hell, he probably would have heard them if he hadn't been in a haze of alcohol. "I'm sure she'll get better. You two are strong."

"I wasn't though," Bass replied.

"What do you mean?"

"I wasn't strong. Not when my little girl needed me."

"Bass, what happened to Lilly is hardly your fault," Miles began. "The doctors said…"

"I don't' mean that," Bass replied, shaking his head. "I meant at the funeral." Miles stayed silent in the hopes that his friend would continue. "I needed to show everyone I was strong and I couldn't do it. Not without you and Nora and Jeremy standing there."

"That's what family does. They stand by you when you need it."

"How useless am I though? Can't even make it through my daughter's funeral without breaking down."

"That's not being useless, Bass. That's being human."

Bass finally turned to him and Miles realized he was holding Lilly's teddy bear in his hands. It was the one thing Bass and Nora couldn't replicate for their little girl. Every other toy she had asked for had been made by her parents but when Lilly asked for a teddy bear they had to find one. Bass had searched high and low for a bear fit for his Lilly of the Valley. "What's wrong with me?" he whispered.

"Nothing," Miles declared emphatically.

Bass looked down at the bear in his hands. "All I ever wanted was a family. That's it. Not to be President or General or any of this. Just a family to replace the one I lost." He looked at Miles with tears in his eyes. "Is that really so much to ask?"

"Of course not."

"Then why does my family keep getting ripped away from me? First my parents and sisters, then little Lilly…Miles, what did I do to deserve this?"

"Bass, just calm down. You and Nora are both young. You could easily have a dozen kids in the next few years."

Bass looked away. "Nora doesn't think she can have any more children."

"She doesn't know that. The medicine these days…there's no way to be sure. And she carried Lilly to term. The other one was probably just a fluke."

"Doesn't matter. As long as she thinks she can't have any children, she won't even bother trying."

Miles tried very hard not to concentrate on the thread of anger that laced Bass' voice. That undercurrent that made Miles think a small part of Bass resented Nora for taking away his shot at a family. This was just Bass being depressed over the loss of his five year old, nothing more. "I'm sure she didn't mean it the way you took it," Miles soothed.

Bass let out a painful hollow laugh. "She told me to sleep with other women."

"Because she was in pain from miscarrying. Bass, she didn't know what she was saying. She was hurting and scared and confused. Give her some time."

"She won't even let me near her."

"Oh come on, Bass. You know as well as I do that Nora grieves intensely. It's not that she doesn't' want you. She just doesn't know what to do with everything she's feeling right now. You're in the same state."

Bass tightened his grip on the bear in his hands. "You don't know what it's like, Miles. I…I want to help her and she won't let me in. She just shuts down. All the time. And I don't know how to fix it." Bass' eyes locked with Miles' once more. "How can I fix things if I don't know what's wrong?"

"She's just…Bass, this is a really intense time for everyone. Nora doesn't' know what to do with herself. Just give her time."

"Time?!" Bass demanded in a half hysterical voice. "I have given her time! I have…I have given her everything I have. And she won't even look me in the eye anymore. Tell me, Miles how am I supposed to take that?"

Miles knew full well that the only reason Nora was avoiding Bass was because she was avoiding everyone. This was nothing personal against her husband, she just couldn't' deal with a world that had continued on while she continued losing. "I think you take it as she's hurt and she's trying to cope. Everyone grieves differently."

Bass seized the glass on the table and threw it against the wall. Miles cringed at the sound. "Have I ever denied her anything?" Bass asked. "Have I ever once forced her to do a *damn* thing?"

Miles tried to stem the rising flood of anger. "No, Bass, of course not, but Nora…"

"Nora hates me! Damn it, Miles, why the hell is the world against me?! What did I do that was so horrible that I deserve this fate!" Bass clutched at the teddy bear like a scared child. "My parents and sisters were ripped from me, then my daughter is taken too soon, now my wife…" The tears that had been threatening throughout the conversation spill over. "All I wanted was a family," he whispered. Bass crumpled to his knees, holding the teddy bear to his chest and sobbing uncontrollably.

Miles reached for Bass but still felt completely useless. He was a soldier. He had no idea how to fix any of this. But deep in the pit of his stomach, Miles felt as though his world was crumbling with Bass. And it was all going to be very painful for everyone involved.


End file.
